International Game of Simon Says
by Saitaina R. Moricia
Summary: Tohma's thoughts on a golden angel. Takes place curing vol. 8 and 9. Companion to International Game of Hide and Seek.


I have watched over you for what seems to be centuries now. In some way, you have always been a part of my life, as my friend, my brother, my love. You were the first thing I ever truly opened my eyes and looked at. My bright and shining summer angel. I loved you in that moment, the first time I ever saw you.

You were in so much pain, my angel. You were falling and no one would or could help you. I did everything. Moved mountains, tour dates and the entire band just to save you. And for a while, I thought I had. I really and truly thought I had saved my golden angel.

No one could warn me of the horrors to come. No one could tell me to take a few more long looks, to memorize your sparkling smile and large, shining, innocent eyes before I lost them forever. No one could do any of these thing…and I'm no so sure I would have believed them if they could.

Why couldn't I see it, my shinning angel? Why couldn't I find the monster? did you see him? Did you scream out in the dark and I just didn't turn on the light? I've always wanted to know…but couldn't ask. I'm too afraid of the awnser. I've already failed you, do I really need to know by how much?

I know his face still haunts you, when your eyes are closed and the night is still. Even when they are open and the noise is everywhere. Did you know it haunts me as well? Your memories are far more extensive and far worse then mine, but I still see his sightless grey eyes staring up, forever unseeing as I hold you in my arms. He still held that damn ten dollar bill.

I could have almost forgiven him for his thoughts, maybe even his actions, after all these years. I mean, look at the world we grew up in. I could have…but I'm the one left staring into your eyes. I'm the one there to hold your head as blood spills from your lips. I'm the one left to pick up the piece s of a broken boy. He got out of the job.

As much as it hurts though, I'm not ready to turn over my job just yet. I haven't even come close to finishing my role as protector and guardian. I love you too much to just let you go.

Besides, it's not like the moron would actually be good at it. Hell, I doubt he's good at anything worthwhile. You call him an idiot, a fool and a brat, but he's so much more then that. He's everything that's annoying in this world. Everything that's wrong in this life.

I wish that you had never met him. I wish that **_I_** had never met him. He should have stayed playing crappy music to the mindless and tasteless drones who praised him as a genus, not noticing he was a hack with no talent. Everything he is, is because of me.

But I didn't do it for him, my angel. I did it for you. Because he was connected to you and we couldn't' let a part of you be a miserable failure. Everything I do in this life is for you and always has been.

I've done eveyrthing I could to chase him away short of killing him. Oh, but I'm tempted to try that one, to see if it'll actually work. But…I think, somehow, that it would hurt you. But I'm unsure as to why. do you know, my golden angel? Is there a reason? Is it worth it? Or is it all just foolish talk and smiles?

Is he good in bed, my shinning angel? Is that why you keep him around? He's not pretty. In fact, he's rather plain and boring. Another run of the mill face to be lost in the crowd.

He's such a slut thought. You can see it in every look, every picture he takes. did he come that way, angel? Or did you teach it to him during long, sweaty nights in your bed?

Somedays I honestly wouldn't' be surprised to walk back stage and find him on his knees, pants down, sucking off that guitarist of his while my sweet cousin takes him hard, making him scream.

You need to let him go, my angel. Before he destroys you. Before I destroy him. Before I wrap my hands around his delicate little neck and shack him. Before I squeeze, and watch the life faded from his too bright eyes.

I need you, my angel. I need you to still need me. I need you to still be scared of the dark. I need…I need that sixteen year old little boy back. Not the twenty something man you've become who can't fight away his own demons.

Why did you have to leave me? Did I do something wrong, my angel? Did I drive you away from my arms? I tried my best, my shining one. I tried so hard but still, you're so far way from me.

Will I ever get you back? Or are you truly lost?

You're on a plane right now, chasing after the little whore. If I try hard enough, I could almost see you, curled up in that small seat, your thoughts only on him. The window in front of me is cold as I touch it, trying to reach out and touch you. It's not as cold as you are now though, it's almost hot compared to your eyes, especially when you said good-bye to me.

I want to chase after you, to hold you back. I want to protect you from going home, from him, from everything. Why can't I keep you in a cage at my side, never letting anything touch you?

But it's too late, and you're gone. And I'm left standing here at a cold window, watching the endless night sky. Just like in New York, just like in Kyoto. I'm always too late. You're always gone.

**_Fin_**


End file.
